It's Hard Letting Go
by cheydale4
Summary: When Haley dies after having cancer. Nathan struggles with the realization that the love of his life is gone. Read to know more.  :  Naley AU. *sorry for the brutal summary. **ON HIATUS**
1. Prolouge

It's been a month.

A month since I lost my best friend. A month since I lost my soul mate. A month since I lost the mother of my son. A month since I saw her warm brown eyes. A month since her lips touched mine. A month since I felt her body. A month since her amazing heart stopped beating. A month since I stopped believing in love. A month since I lost Haley.

This month has been the worst and loneliest months of my life. I lost my wife Haley, she died of cancer exactly one month ago. She died without me being able to change anything. Without me being able to protect her. She just died. Her body just shut down, and I lost her. For the rest of my life. For the rest of OUR life. The life in which were suppose to go grey together. We were suppose to spend the rest of forever together. But, forever was cut short. My beautiful wife died at a her young age of 22.

She was lying in her hospital bed. A familiar place for her since she had spent the last six months of her life there. Suffering. Just waiting to die. Waiting for the due date the doctor had given her. She was gone to soon though. she died October 1st. She was suppose to live at least until October 15th. It's not fair. None of the whole situation was fair. She was gone 15 days before she was suppose to with this disease. But, she died way to early than she was suppose to if she hadn't got cancer. We were suppose to grow old together. We were suppose to spoil our grandkids together. We were suppose to be that couple that sat on their porch holding hands, and smiling at each other. We were suppose to be that couple. But, God had a different plan. He chose to take the most perfect and wonderful person I know, away from this world, and away from me.


	2. Chapter 1

I wake up every morning for the past month, thinking that Haley is going to be sleeping next to me. Breathing in and out. As her chest rises and falls. But, Haley is not there. Not anymore. She stopped breathing a month ago. She stopped being there to sleep next to me. She stopped being there every morning when I would kiss her on the lips and her eyes would flutter open and she would kiss back. But, she stopped waking up in the morning. She stopped waking up at all.

Now I wake up next to my six year old son. Whose eyes exactly like mine stare back at me. Worried. That his dad, the one man he's looked up to for his whole life. Will finally be able to move on and not sit around all day drinking beer and wearing his mother's wedding ring around his neck. Believe me. I want to be that kind of man. But, I can't and you know what, out of all the things I was, a dad, a brother, a son, a friend, a basketball player, a nephew, my favourite was being a husband, to Haley James Scott. The one girl who made my world turn. The one girl who fully understood me. The one girl who swept me off my feet and allowed me to love her ever since we were sixteen years old.

Sure, we have a beautiful son. Once who is exactly like me and exactly like Haley. He's a mix of the both of us. He is smart and short like his mother and he is a great basketball player and has the same blue eyes as his father. He has the best of both of us and for the last month it's been hard to look at him. It's been hard seeing his mother in him. Know that he's all I have left of her. He is the last living thing I have to remind me of her. When he laughs, all I can see is Haley's laugh. When he smiles, I see Haley's smile. When he says something to try and make me feel better, I see Haley's kind heart. The heart that will never be forgotten, not by me, not by my son, not by anyone. Haley's heart changed everyone. Haley changed everyone. For the better. And always put others before herself. I guess that why the one day she was coughing up blood in the kitchen I should have taken her to the hospital instead allowing her to force me to go drop of Jamie at school. Instead of taking her to the hospital. That day changed me and my family forever.

_I was in the washroom. Just doing my regular morning routine when all I heard was coughing coming from the kitchen. I knew Jamie was still sleeping. So it had to be Haley._

"_Haley! Haley, are you okay?" I yelled as I jogged down the hallway leading to the kitchen._

_The coughing continued. I quickened my pace and ran toward the kitchen to see my wife crouched on the floor behind the island with a pool of blood in front of her._

"_Oh my god! Haley are you okay!"_

_She whispered in between coughs. "Yeah I'm fine… go get Jamie … up… he has to go…to school."_

"_But, Haley your coughing up blood. I need to take you to the hospital,"_

"_Nathan, I'm fine. I'll just go and rest. Get the boy ready for school."_

"_Hales, are you sure,"_

"_Yes Nathan I'm fine,"_

"_Go to bed, I'll clean up the blood,"_

"_Thank you,"_

_Haley slowly got up and walked to the bedroom holding onto her stomach._

_I cleaned up the blood and when to wake up my son. When he was brushing his teeth I walked into me and Haley's bed room and walked in quietly and fixed her blankets, kissed her on the forehead and whispered,_

"_I love you Hales, always and forever."_

_I walked back out packed up Jamie's lunch. Helped him get his clothes on and then we left for school. _

"_Have a good day at school, bud."_

"_Thanks dad, I love you."_

"_I love you too, son."_

_I sent him a reassuring smile and drove away. I went to Starbucks to pick up two coffees for me and Haley and then headed home. I walked in the door._

"_Haley! Haley! Are you awake. I got us coffee." I didn't hear anything so I walked to our bedroom to see if Haley was still asleep. She was. But, our white bed spread was no longer white, it was covered in blood. I went over to Haley._

"_Haley, are you okay. Haley wake up. Haley." And that's when I saw it. Well, it's actually what I didn't see. I didn't see her chest. Rising and falling like it normally did. She wasn't moving and she wasn't responding to me when I was calling her name. I immediately pulled out my cell phone and called 911_

"_Hello, operator, my name is Nathan Scott, and my wife has been coughing up blood all morning and now she won't wake up, please send help." I just hung up after that it was to hard to speak to anyone anymore, I was crying so hard. I bent down and put my lips on Haley's forehead._

"_Haley, please wake up…I need you. Jamie needs you." I said through my tears that were now falling onto her blood stained face. _


	3. Chapter 2

I wiped the tears from my eyes. They tears seemed to be coming more and more often ever since Haley died. My son looked back at me. He saw my tears and he saw that on my face I was really missing Haley. Jamie knew it. Jamie knew everything. He was so smart, just like his mom. He gave me a sad look and then scrunched his eyebrows together and looked away from me and spoke.

"Dad, I want to go see mom,"

And that's when my heart stopped. I swear if I was attached to a heart monitor I would have flat lined. I can't believe Jamie wants to go see his mom. I never even thought of it. This whole time I've been so selfish, I've only been thinking of myself. I had never gone to see Haley in this whole month because even though I was hurt I was kind of angry with her for leaving me so soon. But, Haley didn't just leave me. She left Jamie too and know I'm finally realizing I'm not the only one who lost her. And the there came the tears again. My poor son, he's been suffering too and I hadn't even cared about anyone but myself.

"Dad, I'm sorry. Don't cry. Please don't cry. We don't have to go see her today. It's just maybe one day we can because I miss her, dad. I just want to talk to her."

I wiped the tears from my eyes. "Hey son, I know you miss her. I miss her too. I have no plans today. Maybe we can go. I want to talk to her too." I gave him a reassuring smile. "If you get up. We can go in 45 minutes."

"Thanks dad, I think she wants to talk to us too." And then he got out of bed and ran out of my bedroom, down the hall into his own.

After having a quick shower and feeding Jamie a quick bowl of cereal. We left. We went to the one place I hated the most. The cemetery. It had to many people I loved there, to many people that the people that I loved, loved there. Jimmy, Keith, Quentin, Peyton's Mom, and Haley. I don't know about you. But, that is way to many people that I love in one place. While me and Jamie were in the car. It was quiet. We both needed to prepare for what was going to happen. We both had to figure out what to say and we both needed to figure out what we were going to do to gain closure. I decided that maybe I should talk to Jamie maybe we could help each other through this.

"Hey Jamie. How are you?"

"I'm good. I guess. I don't know. I'm just worried about what I should say to mom."

"I think she'll just be happy that we came to visit her. I bet she misses us as much as we miss her. So, maybe you should just tell her how school was. Maybe, even tell her about Chester. She always loved Chester."

"Yeah she did. She always made sure I fed him every morning and every night and when I would forget she would do it for me. She was a great mom."

"You know buddy, she still is your mom. Even though you can't see her doesn't mean she doesn't still love you or care about you."

"But, she died, she's gone, just like Q."

"But, the way she died was not her fault she was really sick, and she wasn't able to get better." I wish I could tell myself that. But, Haley was so strong, I still couldn't believe she wasn't able to beat this.

"I know. I just love her so much dad and I miss her even more than that."

"I love her too buddy."

"Do you miss her?"

"Everyday." And with that the car was silent. I toke a right and we were at the cemetery. I looked at Jamie and gave him a half smile.

"You ready son?"

"You know it dad."

Me and my son walked hand in hand trough the cemetery trying to find the one grave stone beside the large oak tree we walked for a little longer and then we found it the polished grey stone that had the words _Haley James-Scott; Great Daughter, Sister, Friend, Mother and Wife. _My favourite part of her grave was the quote at the bottom from Haley's favourite book _Les Miserables: "Those who do not weep, do not see."_ I turned to my son who was sitting on the grass already talking to his mom. He had the biggest smile on his face and he was showing her a drawing he made at school on Friday. It was a picture of me, Haley and Jamie holding hands and smiling.I overheard him talking.

"I drew this at school. It's a picture of you, me and Daddy being happy. I drew it because I don't see it anymore. Daddy doesn't smile. He is just really sad all the time. I miss his smiles, momma because he has the best smile. I just want daddy to be happy again, even if it's without you here. Would you be mad if daddy was happy again? Well, I'm going to let daddy talk to you now, because he misses you a lot." He stood up, kissed his hand and touched the large grey stone. "I love you momma." He waited for her to respond, but realized she wasn't going to his smiled faded away and he walked over to me. I smiled at him and then toke him in my arms and hugged him.

"I love you son, and I'm sorry I've been so sad. I promise I will smile more."

"It's okay Dad. I'm sad too. But, maybe we can help each other be happier. Oh and also I think mom wants to talk to you."

"Okay," I stood up and walked over to the gravestone with my wife's name on it. I looked at Jamie for support. He was smiling at me and the he mouthed the words "Just talk to her," and then turned back to his drawing.

"Uh, hey Hales. How have you been? Wait, you can't answer that. Uh, well to tell you the truth I haven't been so good Haley. I've been missing you. I know that if you were in my position you wouldn't be handling this situation so horribly but Hales. You were my rock. You were what got me up in the morning and what I lived for during the day. Without you I'm nothing. I'm empty but I know I have to be stronger for Jamie and I have to be stronger for you and I promise you Haley. I will. I will become a better person and a better father because you mean everything to me and the last thing I want to do is let you down. So, that's why I'm going to start coming here more often not every day but at least once a week because just talking to you is making me feel better. Also, I was thinking maybe you could give me a sign to tell me I'm not sitting here just talking to a rock." I looked around for a sign but I couldn't see anything until I looked back down and saw a heart shaped leaf sitting on my knee and that's when my eyes filled up with tears. She heard me. I just talked to Haley. "I love you Hales, always and forever,"

I started to get up and then kissed my hand and touched her gravestone. Before I turned around I wiped the tears from my eyes and then walked towards Jamie. This is the moment I was going to change. This was the moment Jamie was going to have his dad back. I started smiling once I saw what my son had just drew. It was me and him smiling. I knew we were going to be okay without Haley and now Jamie knew it too.

"Son, you ready to go?"

"Yeah dad."

He toke my hand as we made it over to my black Range Rover. I buckled him into his car seat and then made my way over to the drivers seat. I buckled my self in and then put the car in drive. Jamie seemed quite content so I thought maybe we could go to McDonalds for icecream. This day was going to be the start of forever.

"Hey Jame?"

"Yeah dad?"

"Want to go to McDonald's for ice cream?"

"Yeah totally! Can we go right now?"

"Yes,"

"Uh, dad-"

"Yes Jamie?"

And that's when I heard it the sound of tires screeching and Jamie's scream and that's when everything went black.

**Dun dun dun dunnnnnn.**

**Haha. I'm sorry it to me so long to update. I was going through a writers block and I wanted this chapter to be perfect and I know it's not. But, I hope you like it. PLEASE review. It will make me so much more inspired to write. You can even recommend ideas I will consider all of them. Anyways I hope you enjoying my story so far. Enjoy.**

**P.S. I'll try and update sooner. 3**


	4. Chapter 3

I woke up with cement beneath my back. But it wasn't a road. It was the blacktop of the river court. With Peyton's faded writing all over it. Why was I here? Am I dead. Is Jamie dead?

"JAMIE! JAMIE, WHERE ARE YOU. JAMIE!" I shouted.

"Nathan." And that's when I saw her. Haley James-Scott. She was beautiful. Her long blonde hair was curly and past her shoulders like it was in high school. She was wearing my favourite green dress and a smile on her face that I hadn't seen in over a month.

"Haley." I breathed.

"Nathan." She ran to me with tear filled eyes and jumped into my arms like she used to.

"Haley, why are you here? Why am I here? Am I dead? Is Jamie dead. Oh my Haley. Our son!" I yelled as I held her in my arms.

"Nathan, calm down. You and Jamie are fine. Well at least for now. But, I'm not here to tell you on your condition. I'm here to help." She held my face so that I could see her big brown eyes."Help with what Haley? I don't need help. I'm fine. As fine as I possibly could be without you." I stepped back.

"Nathan, please I didn't want to leave you. I was sick. I couldn't help that. I couldn't change this." She grabbed my arm for some sort of comfort.

"I know you couldn't. But, I miss you every single day. Every single day I'm reminded of us. How am I suppose to change that. How am I suppose to live with the guilt because I wasn't able to save you? I was suppose to save you Haley! I promised you that Haley. I broke that promise and its all my fault. All of its my fault. You dying, Jamie in the car accident, I failed. As a father and as a husband. How am I supposed to live with that! Huh? Answer that Hales." I let the tears fall as I tugged at my hair. Haley wrapped her arms around my waist and held me as I cried. "It's all my fault. I'm sorry. For everything."

"Nathan, listen to me none of this is your fault and you have to stop blaming yourself for every thing. Your not superman and no one expects you to be. So stop thinking you failed everyone because you didn't. No one expected you to save me, and you and Jamie were in a car accident. It's was an ACCIDENT, Nathan, it's no body's fault."

"But, I expected my self to be Superman. Even if no body else did. I did. So I guess that means I failed myself.""Nathan, remember that day when Jamie almost drowned and you jumped into the pool after him?"

"Yeah."

"That was the day I knew you would do anything in your power to protect me and Jamie, even though afterwards I wanted a divorce." She giggled after saying that. "I still knew you would do anything you could to get me back and you did and that is why I love you because you to everything and anything to save the people you love. But, Nathan me getting sick was not in your power. It was in nobody's power. So what if I died? I'm still with you every single day. In Jamie, in his smiles, his laugh, his accomplishments, I'm still with you in that little pink bracelet, our wedding ring, and most of all, I'm always going to be in your heart. Always and forever Nate, I promise you."

I couldn't keep a hold of my self any longer. I just broke down, tears falling down my face, some tears even falling on my lips. I collapsed to the floor and just sat there in the middle of the river court crying. She was amazing, she knew exactly what to say. I may have only been able to know and love her for 7 years but, I'm going to keep loving her for the rest of my life and she's right, I still am always going to have her with me because I have Jamie and he is the most important person in both of our lives.

"Thank you, Haley. I love you, I always will. Always and forever, right?" I wiped the tears from my eyes, stood up and walked over to Haley with the biggest smile covering my tear covered lips.

"Right."

"You said that the reason you are here is because you're here to help me. What are you here to help me with?"

"Moving on."

"I am Hales.""No your not. You have started but you and I know that your not over me."

"It's been a month. How do you expect me to move on after a month?"

"I don't expect you to. But, I do expect you to be able to have found love in something other than me and beer."

"I do love something else. Our son.""I know you love him.

"But, are you ever going to be able to move on? To fine a amazing girl who is going to love you and our son. Who's going to teach you how to love again and who's going to teach Jamie how to be a part of a family again, Nathan? Are you going to try and find that? Because you deserve love and Jamie deserves a mom." Haley's beautiful big brown eyes are now glossy with tears.

I looked to the ground, I could look at the pain in her eyes and whispered so that Haley could barely hear. "Jamie already has a mom."

"No he doesn't Nathan. I'm dead. He doesn't have a mom who is going to be able to read to him at night or pack him a lunch in the morning or when he's older, to teach him how to treat a girl. He doesn't have that and he won't until your able to move on and accept reality."

"What if I don't want to because I like reality better 6 months ago before you go diagnosed with cancer. When I was able to hold you without worrying about hurting you or being able to have your warm body sleeping next to mine at night or even being able to love you without having to worry that you might not be there the when I wake up the next morning."

"You won't have to have those worries anymore Nate. You are going to fine a beautiful healthy girl. Who is going to love you till your old and grey and she is going to love you and Jamie with every inch of her heart because you're a great guy and a great father and no girl is ever going to pass that up." Haley smiled at me and pulled me into a hug.

"I guess I am a pretty great guy." I laughed.

"You're the best guy." Haley said as one tear fell town her face onto my t-shirt and that's when I could feel the body in my arms slowly disappear. "Goodbye Nathan."

"Goodbye Haley, I love you, always and forever." A tear fell down my face, I kissed the top of her head and just waited as her body and soul left me for the second time in a month.

**The end of chapter 3. (:**

**I am SOOOOO sorry I have not posted in like a month I just wanted this chapter to be as good as possible and I was having a serious case of writer's block. I also had to use this chapter as a set up for the rest of my story, so that made it difficult also. Anyways, I hoped you liked this chapter. If you did feel free to review, and if you didn't you can review also. xD**

**You can also, send me a message or review telling me some ideas of what you want to happen in the story I am open for anything. (:**


	5. Chapter 4

My eyes fluttered open only to see the white walls of a hospital room. It took all my strength to turn away from that wall to follow the voice that was reading me some sort of sports statistics. When I looked over with fuzzy vision I saw blue eyes and blonde hair.

"Jamie?"

"Nate, no it's me. Lucas"

"Luke? What are you doing here?"

"My brother and my nephew got into a major car crash, I had to come back,"

"You didn't even come back for Haley's funeral, man." My throat was really dry it was hard to speak. I started to cough.

"Want some water?" I nodded my head, and Luke handed me a dixie cup with some water in it.

"Thanks."

"Nate, about Haley's funeral. She was like my little sister I knew her since I was 7 years old. It would've been hard to come back and have to have that final goodbye to someone who's not even alive anymore."

"But, what about about me? I really could've used my brother to help me get through this. You don't think it was hard for me? Knowing that my son is going to grow up without a mom? Or how about me not being able to have a little girl with Haley's big brown eyes? I would've been alright to have you here when me and Jamie needed you the most." I looked at him with anger in my eyes knowing that he's never going to understand the pain that I was in in for the past month, and only having my six year old son to lean on.

"Nate, I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough, Luke."

"I know, but Nate, about Jamie-"

"What happened Luke is he alive?"

"He's in a coma and he has internal bleeding in his brain."

"Oh my God. I have to go and see him." I started to get up, but the tugging at my hands from the IVs and the sharp pain in my ribs stopped me.

"Nate, you have to stay here, you can go see him until your discharged."

"But, Luke, my son. He's.. he's..." I couldn't talk anymore the tears were coming faster and harder than ever before. "I can't lose him, Luke, he's all I have left."

"I know, and they are doing everything they can to save him, but it's hard Nate, we've almost lost him a couple times, and the drunk driver hit his side."

"I know, how long have I been uncoincous?"

"Five days."

"You've been here the whole time?"

"Yeah."

"What about Peyton and Sawyer. Are they here too?"

"Yeah. They went home an hour ago. Sawyer was fussy."

"Oh okay."

"Yeah, I better call her and tell her you're awake."

I turned my head back to the white ceiling I had woken up to and a heard Lucas walk outside to call Peyton. I sat there for a little bit until I heard the door open again.

"Hey Luke." I said.

I turned my head to see Brooke Davis, standing next to her husband Juilian Baker, who was holding their son Davis."No Nate it's me Brooke." She had tears in her eyes. "Hey Brooke.""Nate-""Have you seen Jamie?" A tear fell down her face, she was Jamie's godmother, she treated him like her own son and after Haley died she was the only mother figure he had, it must be hard for her."Yeah, I have, he's not so good.""I know, Luke told me.""It's sad Nate. I can't stand to look at him; his face is bruised and he has a bandage around his head, his legs are in to casts. He needs to wake up, I need to see him smile and for him to ask me 'What's underneath all the clothes, Brooke Davis?' I can't imagine my life without him.""Brooke-" Juilan had finally said something. "I know it's hard for you. But, it's probably a million times worst for Nathan.""I'm sorry Nate." She wiped the tears from her eyes and cleared her throught."How are you.""Not so good.""Has the doctor been in here?"

"No. I woke up like 20 minutes ago and then I was talking to Luke.""Okay. I'll go and get the doctor.""I'll stay here Brooke." Juilian was now sitting in a chair feeding a bottle to Davis, me and Haley's godson."Okay." Brooke grabbed her purse and gave Davis a kiss on the forehead and walked outside. Leaving me and Juilian.

"Hey man. You know everything's gonna be okay and things will get better. Your strong and you can handle everything that has happend in your life. In the end, there is going to be a reward for the pain and it's going to be worth it." Says a man who has a wife and a heathly son. I would die for what he has. "Yeah, hopefully."

And then the door opened again and a doctor around my age with Brooke behind her walked through the door."Hello Mr. Scott, it's good to see you awake. My name is Dr. Stevens." She said with a smile.

**HI GUYS! I am SO sorry it toke me so long to update! I hope you like this chapter. It's kind of long to make up for my late update. Anyways! Leave me some ideas in the reviews or tell me how you like it so far.**

**I'd like to say thank you to the person who reviewed last chapter. They honestly made my day and put a smile on my face. I can't believe I made you cry. 3**

**Thank you for reading. (:**


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